Going to Your First Sex Club: Beginner's Edition
As a Sexologist and Pleasure Educator, I have so many conversations with people who are curious about exploring this area. It’s exciting to see so many wanting to colour outside the lines and play at the edges of their sexuality.
Let me start by saying that going to a sex club doesn’t have to be an extreme experience. You can dip a proverbial toe in, and that might be where you choose to stop—or you may feel like diving a little further. Like most things in life, there’s a spectrum of involvement, and it’s entirely up to you to decide where you land.
When I first thought about sex clubs, I pictured extroverted, highly adventurous people who love pushing boundaries. But, as with so many things, the reality is far more diverse. Sex clubs attract people from all walks of life—singles, partnered, and groups—each coming for their own reasons, whether it’s to explore, connect, or simply observe.
What is a Sex Club?
A Sex Club is generally a private or semi-public venue where guests are welcome to engage in consensual sexual activity—sometimes in full or partial view of others. These clubs are designed to foster connection, exploration, and play in a safe and respectful environment.
For many first-timers, the idea of stepping into a sex club might feel daunting. But most reputable clubs prioritise consent and communication, making them safer spaces to explore curiosity compared to more casual encounters.
Fun fact: According to a 2017 study in The Journal of Sex Research, engaging in sexually adventurous activities—like attending a sex club—can improve communication and intimacy between partners while reducing shame or stigma around sexuality. It’s one of the many reasons people often leave these spaces feeling more confident and connected than when they arrived.
Everything you need to know about visiting your first sex club
1. Find the Right Venue
Not all sex clubs are created equal. Research venues in your area and look for reviews or recommendations. A good club will have clear rules around consent, boundaries, and safety.
Some clubs offer beginner-friendly nights, couples-only events, or LGBTQ+ themes. These can help ease first-timer nerves and ensure you’re surrounded by people who share your vibe.
2. Go Solo or Bring Someone You Trust
Decide whether you’d like to attend alone, with a partner, or with a close friend. It’s all about doing what feels most comfortable for you.
If you’re bringing a partner, have an open and honest conversation beforehand about expectations, boundaries, and what you’re both curious to explore.
3. Understand the Rules
Every club has its own set of rules, and it’s important to read up on them before you go. These usually cover:
Consent: Always seek and give enthusiastic consent.
Boundaries: Respect your own and others’ limits. No always means no.
Behaviour: Follow the club’s guidelines to ensure everyone feels safe and respected.
Rules aren’t there to restrict you—they’re there to create a space where everyone can relax and enjoy themselves.
4. Set Boundaries Before You Go
Before stepping into the club, take time to reflect on your personal boundaries. Are you there to observe, explore, or connect? What are your no-go zones?
If someone approaches you and you’re unsure how to respond, here’s a tip from Lola Ruin, a Professional Dominatrix and Sex Worker Advocate who specialises in consent culture and boundary-setting:
“Sex clubs should always have an enthusiastic consent culture, so don’t feel afraid to speak up. If you’re unsure what you want, a cheerful ‘maybe later’ works wonders to give yourself time to figure it out. And remember, practice makes perfect!”
– Lola Ruin, Professional Dominatrix
5. Dress to Feel Hot
Most clubs have a dress code, often leaning towards lingerie, fetish wear, or elegant outfits. Choose something that makes you feel sexy and confident while fitting the vibe of the venue.
6. Pace Yourself
Your first visit isn’t about doing everything all at once. Take your time, observe, and feel out the space. You’re under no obligation to participate, and many people find simply being there to be exciting and fulfilling.
7. Consent is Key
Consent is the foundation of any good sex club. Check in with yourself and others regularly throughout the night. If something feels off, you’re always free to step away or leave.
Final Thoughts
Attending a sex club for the first time can feel like a big step, but it’s important to remember that this experience isn’t for everyone—and that’s completely okay. Just because you go once doesn’t mean you ever need to go again. It’s perfectly acceptable to decide it’s not for you.
If the idea of going excites you, fantastic. But if it’s not your thing, that’s okay too.
Hearing others’ experiences can also help ease your nerves. In a recent podcast episode, I spoke with Mamamia Journalist That Sex Writer about her first visit to a sex club. We chatted about how she navigated her boundaries, and the surprising moments that made it hot and horny. It’s a great listen for anyone curious about what to expect.
Whether you go to watch, play, or simply explore, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. Take your time, trust your instincts, and enjoy the experience in a way that feels good for you.
Share Your Thoughts
Have you been to a sex club or are you curious about going? I’d love to hear your questions or stories—pop them in the comments below or hit reply to this email.
With enthusiastic pleasure,
Jassy Rennie (She/Her)
Founder and Sex Educator at Second Base
