Love Is... A Conversation with Georgia Grace on Decentering Romance

From fairy tales to modern media, we're often led to believe that romantic love is the ultimate goal in life. But love is multifaceted, extending far beyond just romantic relationships. To explore this broader perspective, I chatted with Georgia Grace, Sex & Pleasure Practitioner and Co-founder of pleasure store NORMAL, to discuss how we can shift our focus from prioritising romance to embracing all forms of love.

Jassy Rennie: Georgia, many people grow up believing that finding 'the one' is life's ultimate goal. Why do you think this narrative is so pervasive?

Georgia Grace: "We need to look at the context in which we've learned to prioritise romance. Many people grow up believing that the ultimate goal is to find 'the one'—this is reinforced by fairy tales, social structures, and even practical benefits like financial stability. Couples can more easily afford a house, go on holidays, and even get the better room on a group trip, while singles get the couch."

JR: How can individuals begin to challenge and change this deeply ingrained belief?

GG: "A practical way is to examine and challenge these messages. People often feel additional shame around prioritising romance. It's essential to ask: Why would you be prioritising romance? Where does it benefit others, and where does it benefit you? Start prioritising other forms of relationships—giving and receiving love the way you would with romantic love."

JR: What are some actionable steps to nurture non-romantic relationships?

GG: "Many people I speak to go on friendship dates; one person pays and takes the other out, perhaps one person checks in before someone's big meeting. They have contact that's more than just catching up every now and then. Investing in other relationships like you would a partner is crucial."

JR: For those who tie their self-worth to their relationship status, what advice would you offer?

GG: "We need to address the suffering and pain of wanting a relationship but not having one. A great way to combat this is therapy, as we're working against larger societal issues at play. We start with the systems and then examine how they influence you. We can't just heal these wounds by saying nice things to ourselves; we need to acknowledge the pain first."

JR: How can open conversations with friends aid in this process?

GG: "It's useful to have very open, vulnerable conversations with your friends. Relationships aren't easy; many people are in unsatisfying situations. Having real conversations about relationships reminds you that they're beneficial when you want to be in them and when everyone involved is committed, respectful, and showing up. A lot of people feel more lonely in a relationship than out of one. There's no need to rush into a relationship just to have a partner."

JR: What daily practices can help individuals shift focus away from romantic relationships?

GG: "We are social beings; most of us need human connection to feel good and safe. Relationships are important to us. Often, when people aren't in a romantic relationship, they don't seek this in other sorts of relationships. Think about how you would connect with others. How would you romanticise your friends? Show love in the same way you would share romantic love. Go through hard things together. Recognising relationships beyond romantic ones is important. A common theme is that many people want more solid relationships with others, as we're collectively feeling really lonely."

JR: How does self-love play into this?

GG: "Connection with your own body—things you can do for yourself that feel like a treat—is vital. We don't need to wait to go on a date with someone else. Treating yourself, in whatever way that looks like, is essential."

As a Sexologist and Writer, I've observed that expanding our understanding of love enriches our lives. To delve deeper into this topic, I reached out to my community with a simple question: What is love? The responses were as diverse as they were insightful:

• "Worth it." – Daniel

• "To give your best resources to someone or something while being emotionally enriched, regardless of whether such an act drains your own resources." – Mousta

• "A soul bond." – Grace

• "Love is choosing to show up even when it’s difficult." – Paige

• "Non-conditional." – Bene

• "Let go." – @sexmayo

• "Our greatest gift." – Steph

• "Love is when ‘home’ becomes a person and not a place anymore." – Flo

• "Being yourself." – Brooke

• "Love is a warm fuzzy chocolatey kind of joy feeling of knowing and understanding—yum." – Maru

• "Love is freedom. Love allows us to flow and be ourselves." – Maddie

• "commitment, loyalty, presence and understanding, compromise.'' - Javier

• “Love is to give your best resources to someone or something while being emotionally enriched regardless of whether such an act drains your own resources and regardless if they are aware of your sacrifice” - Mousta

These reflections highlight that love transcends romantic confines, encompassing selflessness, personal growth, and deep connections with others.

In my professional experience, recognising and nurturing these varied forms of love can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. I believe that love is a verb—an action we consciously choose to undertake. As author and social activist Bell Hooks eloquently stated, "The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet...we would all love better if we used it as a verb."

By decentering romantic love and valuing our relationships with friends, family, and ourselves, we open ourselves to a richer tapestry of human experience.

Thank you for following my Silly, Little Sex blog. It means the world and allows me to be a Writer. You can find more of my sexology work here.